DESPOTIC INTERNATIONAL SOCCER RULES VIOLATED

Figured I'd try to beat Tim Blair to that headline.

Scribal Terror has a very fine soccer fatwa. Among other things, it explains that the only legitimate reason to play soccer is "training to run, attack, and retreat in preparation for"... an "inner struggle for virtue" of some kind, apparently.

13. If one of you inserts the ball between the posts and then starts to run so that his companions will run after him and hug him, like the players in America and France do, you should spit in his face, punish him, and reprimand him, for what do joy, hugging, and kissing have to do with sports?